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February 19, 2007

Comments

Kat

Jackie why in the world would someone take a picture on that day? Grownups do crazy things sometimes. This was a heart touching post, you were so lucky to have your sister.

SilverNeurotic

I'm sorry you had to go through that, gotta be tough remembering the past like that.

Velvet Sacks

My heart aches for the children in this photo, Jackie, but I admire the cleverness of the rubberband idea. In a situation you might have felt powerless to change, you took some of your power back by putting the rubberbands on the lug nuts. Good for you and your sister.

Dave

I agree with Kat in that it does seem a strange moment to take a picture, but then that what photography is about, capturing the moment. It certainly has done that for you and it s great to have the picture. It must have been heart rendering to see your Dad leaving and maybe at that age not really knowing the reason why.

Jenn

Wow. I felt a radiation of old hurt spring up from the blurred old photo and post.

I'm sorry you have to go through that.

This was beautiful Jackie, so evocative.

Nessa

The photograph looks like the ghost from the mind; like a memory itself.

I'm so sorry for the hurt you must have felt, still feel.

I think your father lost out the most, though.

sunflower Optimism

Jackie, my heart breaks for the child in you - and to lose your mother only four years later. It's a wonder you were able to overcome all that pain and leave it in the past.

The same happened to my mom - only it was her mother she never saw again. I believe she was four, at the time. My mom and her sister bounced around orphanages until my grandfather remarried. This caused her much pain, far into adulthood.

Jackie

Kat - grownups sure do! I've been known to do some pretty crazy things as a grownup, too! :-) And I've ALWAYS been grateful for my sister.


Silver - like I said, though, the pain and sadness are a very distant part of the past now. But, thanks.


Velvet - that's exactly it! I don't know what it is - if it's something in our genes or what - but I've always felt blessed. We are a family of strong women - who are almost always part of the solution.


Dave - I remember the sadness, but it wasn't one that incapacitated. I don't think we were really old enough to understand it all - and we sure couldn't have realized we would never see him again.


Jenn - thanks. But it was just a part of life. We are the sum of all the pieces - and I wouldn't be who I am if I hadn't lived what I've lived. I'm sorry for those little ones in the picture - but in an abstract way - like it wasn't even me.


Nessa - I don't feel any hurt about the past now. I understand my dad was an alcoholic and that he was probably always doing the best he could at the time. I think you are probably right, he probably lost out the most. We kids had each other.


Sunflower - I'm so sorry to hear that your mother's past. I'm not sure I'd have been strong enough to handle all she did.

Creekhiker

Jackie, Such a sad story. I agree with Kat. My mother took picture of her first husband walking down their sidewalk with his bags in hand. For her, it was a happy moment but I could always feel my sister's sadness when we ran across it in the photo album.

HOlly

Janet

That's a sad story. I'm glad you have a photo to remember it, though. It's our experiences that make us what we are.

Jackie

Holly - funny, isn't it? What one of us will want to celebrate, another will mourn.


Janet - I so believe that, too.

Quilldancer

I was struck by the sadness of looking for those rubberbands.

Gawpo

My best friend in High School, Mike and I each bit off a fingernail and dropped them into his father's coffin as we knelt at its edge before being shipped off for burial in Arlington Cemetary. We wanted to go with Francis. We never saw him again, either. But that is so different from the rubberbands that could have been spotted if given the chance. Profound story, Jackie. I feel that pain with you. I got Cindra out of the deal. And for that I am grateful. Thank you for your part in that. Sigh...

Jackie

Quilly-Sister, I can hardly remember anymore. It's funny how over the years, the largest things in your life, can become so small.


Hey, Gawpo, you're welcome! I'm grateful for you, too -- that you and Cindra are such good friends -- you are both blessed by that friendship.

Chana

i'm so ever grateful that you guys don't hurt over this. i know i do, right in the stomach and heart. regardless of how it ends with the grownups and why, how can you never see him again? oh, how sad to imagine you guys watching out for cars..my stomach sickens..and pls don't take care of me for it is i who wants to look after you..(so i best shut up about how yucky i feel i guess-duh, me)

i'm glad that regardless of what bumps your life's have had to jump over, or crawl as it may be the case..you guys have turn out to be the wonderful, kind and exemplerary citizens of this world that you are...

God Bless and pls let me kiss you and your sis and brother on the forehead..(that is a comfort thing for me...you probably don't need it but i need to give it you guys if i may)

love and hugs..

Jackie

Ah, Chana, you are the sweetest girl I've ever seen. It's YOU I think is wonderful - with that heart of yours. We are just run of the mill kids. Had some bad breaks along the way - but a lot have had worse, as you well know. Thanks for your kisses, and kind thoughts, I can use all I can get! Back at you, too!

Caryl Walker

I'm tired, run down, have a cold and am obviously more emotional than usual because I still do relate to the little ones in the picture. I know it was me, and you and our father, and he was leaving and it was for good this time and that he would never live with us again. And until his death I looked for him everywhere....well mostly in the faces of the homeless on the streets of Spokane or the driver in the taxicab.(why I thought he may be driving a cab is beyond me since he was a cook and miner!) There was never the closure for me that I somehow thought would come. I hold neither he nor my mother responsible for those feelings. Both of them were doing the best they could and I loved them and never had to forgive them anything. But the little girl that loved her father didn't stop wanting him just because he was gone. I am a strong woman yet I remember the day I was that little girl and it is sad, very sad. And I am happy and grateful for my sister who held me when I cried and told me everything would be alright even when she didn't really believe it would be.

Rain

That is such a sad story. It sounds like you made peace with it but how very sad for you all

Jackie

Caryl, it's long ago and far away for me. I don't have the sadness any more. I didn't know you still feel it. I'm sorry.


Rain, just 'part and parcel' of life. There's been some great sadness - and there's been some great joy.

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